Those Advice from My Dad That Saved Us when I became a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was just just surviving for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the demands of being a father.

However the truth rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her chief support while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every change… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he burnt out. It was a chat with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct statement "You're not in a healthy space. You require support. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more comfortable discussing the strain on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a larger failure to communicate amongst men, who continue to hold onto harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It is not a display of being weak to request help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a break - going on a couple of days away, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to alter how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he says. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the things that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and where possible, resting, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."